Bridezilla I am NOT

So, I have noticed this trend among people who work with women who are getting married: they are freakishly placating. I can not even begin to tell you how many times I have heard "We can work with you to get what you want; this is your day, after all."

OK...wait a minute...isn't there at least one other person involved in this wedding?? I think his name is RJ. And he is the groom. So...is this not his day, too? It seems that these people are referring to "your" in the singular, not "your" in the plural. This leaves me to wonder what kind of woman these poor people are used to dealing with. I can take a guess:

The woman who is working 18 months in advance towards the wedding. She is looking for the perfect dress, with a long train and long veil ; her hair will be coiffed within an inch of its life, and she will spend two hours on her makeup to make her look as though she spent but two minutes on it, because it is so "natural." She will be walking down the aisle, 250 pair of eyes on her perfection, and there will be a perfect bower of flowers, filling the air with the perfume of a brothel. The reception hall will be decorated within an inch of its life, and a cake the size of a small car will take center stage. The soft music of a Baroque trio will fill the air during dinner, to be replaced by the upbeat rhythms of a professional DJ for the dance. She will throw her bouquet (but not the bouquet, because she wants to keep that to remember for all time, so there will be a back up for all the single ladies); the groom will toss the garter (but not the garter, because she wants to keep it to remember for all time, so this is just the spare). A professional photographer will have been posing people like voodoo dolls all day, and the videographer will be interviewing like Barbara Walters.

And then, when it is all over, and people have gone home drunk, saying how beautiful it was (but that is all they will say, because people will ask what was so lovely about it, and the answer will be a pause, followed by: "Well, it was just really pretty and the food was great."; and that will be all there is to say, because there really was nothing truly memorable about it to distinguish it from the other, similar weddings that have taken place all over town), the only thing that will be left to remember it all will be a bunch of wilting flowers, some cake in the freezer, a limp garter, and a $20,000 + debt to be paid off. See where I am going people...?

I mean, if that is what a person really wants, go for it. At the same time, that doesn't mean that, while planning, she has to put the people with whom she is working through half of Dante's levels of hell. So don't you all worry, both those of you who are helping me out, and honored guests. If you know me at all, you know this is so not the route this wedding will be going. This wedding...our wedding...not "my" wedding...is going to be about fun, celebration, and a good time for all. Promise.